Workout DVDs: not so lame after all

Just look at her perky, smiling face.

Just look at that perky, smiling face.

We just moved into our new flat in London. Luckily, it is furnished so we don’t have to buy loads of new stuff. In addition to useful things like knives and forks, there was also a lot of miscellaneous things left in our flat, including a nice set of workout DVDs. I immediately assumed they were super lame. The box looked like it was from the 90s and the names of the workouts were just trying a little too hard. “Burn it Up,” “Slim and Limber.” I mean, seriously. These could be titles of porn movies. But before I put them in the box of items to return to the landlord, I decided I might as well give one a try.

I greatly underestimated these workout DVDs. Turns out, Debbie Siebers, a “leading wellness expert,” produced this BeachBody series in 2012 and they are KILLER. Perhaps I was a bit arrogant. I skipped right over “Start it Up” and “Ramp it Up” and went straight for the “Burn it Up” DVD. I’m fit. I run. Who needs to start it up, I thought. Ooph. I’ll never underestimate the power of the workout DVD again.

It was a humbling experience. I thought it would be ultra-lame and easy and if nothing else, maybe I’d have a bit of a laugh about it. Instead, it was an hour and ten minutes of intense exercises, all of which left me sore and breathless.

At one point during the routine, the ultra-ripped and bouncy Debbie Siebers claimed she was “pushing 50.” She looks 25. It was both inspiring and infuriating. On top of that, her website boasts that sales of her “Slim in 6” program has grossed over $200 million worldwide. In. My. Face. So far all this blog has got me is a few complimentary race entries and some free electrolyte pills!

Halfway through – just when I thought this perky woman was going to offer a much needed water break – she suggested we pick up some hand weights for our strength training portion of the routine. Alas, I was unprepared and had no exercise equipment in sight. I quickly improvised. I grabbed the first thing I could hold in one hand that offered any sort of weight: a bottle of wine. In case you wanted to know, a full bottle of wine weighs approximately three pounds. I Googled it after.

Finally the workout ended, and instead of a nice relaxing cool-down, we did 10 minutes of yoga poses. I was exhausted.

I inspected the box the DVDs came in afterward and discovered that the program is designed to begin and ramp up over the course of 6 weeks. There’s also a corresponding diet plan which includes some questionable diets consisting of all protein and no water (???). It actually says, “You should not stay on this plan for more than 3 days as it doesn’t supply enough calories for your continued survival.” What the f*ck?! How did this one sneak past the lawyers?

Anyway, I have absolutely no doubt that if you followed this workout plan for 6 dedicated weeks and ate a proper diet, you would be totally ripped. That BeachBody that Debbie describes could be yours. But let’s be serious. Who has the willpower and motivation to workout at home, every day for 6 weeks and go on random crash diets. I much prefer eating what I want and running a lot.

eating and drinking

1 Comment

  1. March 12, 2015 / 7:25 am

    Nice one, Mirandas!

    Sent from my iPad


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